


Worst First Dates

by LibrarySocks



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU, Fluff, I'll come back later to edit, I'm so sorry, M/M, Utter Nonsense, i didn't even proofread this, radio show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 19:30:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibrarySocks/pseuds/LibrarySocks
Summary: Yuuri hosts a popular radio show where tonight's theme is "Worst first date". All of the callers, though, just want to talk about the same night!





	Worst First Dates

“Welcome back to Yuri on Ice,” Yuuri leans over and hits the applause sound effect and smiles as the noise reverberates through his headphones. “On the line now we have Chuchu who’d like to chime in on worst first dates. I hear you’re calling on behalf of a friend who had a bad first date, now is this one of those, it actually happened to me things and you just don’t want to admit it, or did this actually happen to a friend?”

“No, no, this totally happened to my roommate, not me.” 

Yuuri flails in his seat as Phichit’s voice comes over the speakers, cringing. 

“Oh, hey Chuchu, no need to share your roommates story, I’m sure it was traumatic enough, don’t you have a story of your own to share?” 

Snickering comes down the line, and Yuuri winces. Oh man, can he just dump out? Is that allowed? 

“No, this is great, hold on. Okay, so there’s this guy he has a hopeless crush on, right? He’s convinced the guy doesn’t even know he’s alive. Then the guy asks him out to get coffee and study and,” laughter fills the line for a moment, and Yuuri braces, “my roommate rejects him! So the guy asks him out again, this time to go ice skating, and my roommate turns him down. This goes on for like a month, and my poor roommate is just frazzled. Why will this god among men not stop asking him to go places with him! So I suggest that the next time the guy asks him to do something, he just go with it!” 

“Uh huh, you know Chuchu, this doesn’t sound so bad! Maybe we should take the next caller.”

“No! I’m almost to the best part! Okay, so, this guy asks him to go to a new club that just opened, and he agrees. And he asks me to come along! Me, his unsuspecting roommate, agrees to crash this first date with what is quite possibly his soulmate, and you should have seen this guys face! He was shattered! And when I asked him why he’d done it, he said it was because he didn’t know it was a date!” 

Yuuri quickly starts talking over his roommates hysterical laughter, crossing his fingers that Phichit will just leave the story there. 

“Oh, your poor roommate! And his date! That is awful, alright, let’s go ahead and take the next caller!” 

“Wait, there’s more!”

“Hope you call in again, Chuchu!” 

Yuuri hangs up on his best friend, though he’s not sure he actually is his best friend anymore, and takes the next caller. 

“Chris, you’re on the air with Yuuri on ice!” 

“My story is about my best friend, and it’s a lot like the last callers.”

Yuuri groans into the mic, slamming his head into his hands. Seung-gil is no longer allowed to screen his calls, he decides, he’ll find somebody else. 

“Right, well, maybe we should hear from callers with some first hand experience with bad dates!” 

“Aw come on, here, I’ll be quick. So my friend has been obsessing over this guy for months, and he keeps asking him out but the guy is perpetually busy. Finally, he agrees to go out with him, and like the last caller said, he brings a friend. Now, my friend is obviously confused. So he asks the guy, why’d you bring a date to our date, and the guy turns like, tomato red, and starts sputtering. He had no idea it was a date. He apologizes, and his friend goes and does his own thing, and my friend calls me to come to entertain this third wheel. By the time I get there though, this guy is just trashed. I mean, completely wasted. He’s throwing back shots like they’re nothing, and my poor guy doesn’t know what to do. But! His date gets way handsier as the night goes on, loosens up and stuff, ya know? Anyway, by the middle of the date, he’s taking off his clothes and pole dancing on one of the stages!”

“Sounds like a fun guy!” Yuuri interjects, “though maybe he should stop drinking. Alright, who’s our next caller? Icetiger, you’re on with Yuuri!” 

“So I had to witness this date with these complete losers, because I was on a great date of my own, which was ruined, by the way, by these a-holes. So, the drunk one is pole dancing, and don’t believe the last caller, he totally jumped on stage and started pole dancing, too, it was way too much skin for a Thursday night. Then he jumped down, and challenged me to a dance off! Abandoning his date and his date’s friend!” 

“Wow, this guy sounds like a piece of work, thanks for calling IceTiger, now we’re going to take a call about a different date,” Yuuri says, teeth clenched, glaring through the glass at Seung-gil. 

Seung-gil shrugs, looking down at the lit up lines, before holding up four fingers. 

“Sala, I hear you had the first date from hell, can you tell our listeners about it?” 

“Hi Yuuri, thanks for having me on, I love your show!”

“Thanks Sala, I’m glad to hear it. So what went wrong on your first date?”

“Well the guy was great. Amazing. He was super hot, and really nice, and we were totally hitting it off, when my brother showed up!”

“What? Was there a family emergency or something?”

“No! So he’s practically foaming at the mouth, shouting at this poor guy, and the guy just… left! He didn’t leave any money for his drinks or anything! But then some drunk guy ended up pulling Mickey into a tango in the middle of the dance floor, and I made him pay for my dates drinks.” 

“Wow, that sounds pretty awful. Thanks for calling in Sala!”

“Thanks Yuuri!” 

“Next we have Mila, thanks for calling Mila, what was your worst first date experience?” 

“Yuuri! I wanted to tell your listeners what happened after the dance off, which was amazing by the way!” 

“Ah, really Mila? You guys can’t just let this go? I’m sure my listeners are getting tired of hearing about this guy by now!” 

Yuuri pointedly ignores Seung-gil shaking his head in the booth. 

“No way! It was the best! Okay, so he wins the dance off, ow, get off me, he totally did!” 

Yuuri can hear what sounds like growling in the background of the phone call, and rolls his eyes. 

“He wins the dance off, and he stumbles back to his date, who has to help him get dressed.” 

“Poor guy!” 

“Oh no, he was into it, you have to remember, we’d all had to listen to him whine and moan about this guy for over a month. It was pathetic. So he gets the guys pants back on, and the guy pulls him up, and suddenly the floor is clearing so these two can dance. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. They danced for ages, no one could take their eyes off of them, until the poor little one was about to pass out on his feet, and my friend had to drag him back home.” 

“Aw, what a poor end to a date. Alright we have time for one more caller! Niki, thanks for calling, let's hear your worst first date story!” 

“Thanks for having me on, Yuuuuurri, I listen to your show every night.” 

Yuuri facepalms and wonders if maybe he shouldn’t just let someone else take over his show from now on. 

“My worst first date is actually the one everyone was talking about!”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Niki.”

“Ah, see, but the date was actually amazing! The worst part was when the guy didn’t call me for days, but it turned out it was because he didn’t remember the date!”

“Well... it sounds like he was pretty drunk.”

“I guess… Our second date was much better. He didn’t bring a friend to that one.”

“I’m glad to hear it!” Yuuri yelps into the mic. 

“Well, the thing is, Yuuuuurri. He’s still kind of oblivious. I mean, he practically lives with me he’s over so much, and whenever I’m not with him, we’re texting,” 

“That sounds nice,” Yuuri says, confused. Where is Victor going with this? 

“Ah, it is, you’re right solnyshko, but the thing is… I’ve asked him to marry me twice already, and he keeps misunderstanding.”

“What?!” Yuuri stands, almost toppling when the headphones jerk him back. 

“Yes, I took him ice skating once, and I set off fireworks, and bought him roses, and I got down on one knee to propose, and he stuck his skate in my face to unlace it!” 

Yuuri’s face is on fire, he thinks he might actually melt through the floor right now. 

“It was very awkward, so I helped him out of his skates, and we went home and it was nice. The second time I had a special crossword made in our local newspaper, he loves doing the crossword, you see. But that day he was in a bad mood because our dog, Makkachin, that’s his name, had chewed up one of his favorite shoes! So he left, with the paper, and went to a coffee shop, and when he came back, he didn’t have the paper with him!”

Yuuri makes some kind of affirming noise, because he thinks he’s lost the ability to speak. 

“So, I was wondering, do you think, if I asked him to marry me in the middle of his radio show, would he notice?” 

“Vitya,” Yuuri breathes, “of course I’ll marry you!” 

Yuuri knows he should play some sound effect now, like an “aww”, or play some music, or something, but he’s crying and he can’t see the sound board. 

“Oh thank goodness. I’ll see you at home!” 

Yuuri chokes on a laugh and hits the button to play and ad, not bothering to do his sign off.

**Author's Note:**

> So I basically word vomited this on my thirty minute break at work. I'm trying to write something every day for November (not necessarily a whole fic a day, but ya know, SOMETHING) but I'm running out of time for the first! 
> 
> I hope to come back and clean these all up at the end of the month, so for right now, I'm really sorry for any typos or glaring character issues! This actually started as a Sterek fic and then I realized the prompt of, worst first date because he didn't know it was a date fit Victuuri way better!


End file.
